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Homeowner Extraordinaire

I'm now, officially, bills and all, a home owner. And this is scary as anything. I don't feel mature enough to have a house but here I am, owning one. Being all responsible and stuff. I was about to swear there but I still have some hesitation in regard to swearing in writing. Just another quirk.

The interesting thing is that I am finding 'mundane' chores almost a thrill. For example: I mowed my considerable lawn yesterday. By myself. (Though dad helped re: the 2 stroke oil petrol mix though I would have figured it out. I did work for Caltex for awhile so I know some things).

I will be getting flatmates in which is exciting and scary. They will be paying off my mortgage for me but I sometimes worry that I will play the hostess when it's their living space as well. Luckily they are people that I know. So, fingers crossed.

This is just a short post as guests have arrived.
They say that sometimes writing is good for the soul. I wonder if that means I should do it more often? Should I let a little bit of my stress, my worries, my soul bleed out onto the page. And then I wonder if it will help?

I'm not sad. Not all the time. Just like I'm not happy all of the time. But sometimes it just feels good to write. Just to write the first thing that comes to my mind.

I've been having trouble sleeping. I don't know whether it is because my mind overthinks at night or whether I keep so much inside that it makes my mind race. Or are these just the same things. I find myself lying awake at night counting things. Imagining my life going in different ways, wondering whether I ate enough or ate too much. Wondering if the sound outside is an animal or a burglar. Wondering whether I'll ever feel right.

I haven't written in a journal (especially this one) in years. And it's not because I didn't want to...maybe, in a way, it was because I wouldn't allow myself to. I don't know. Maybe I was scared of...I don't even know what.

There have been a lot of things on my mind. I've just bought a house, I've got a full time job, I've been travelling a lot but I still don't feel like I'm doing the right thing. I try to explain myself to others but it never comes out right. The words stumble on their way out and I sound more like a blathering idiot than usual.

Then there are the old memories of stuff that I feel guilty for but I know that I should not feel guilty for them. Things that were out of my control.
People keep saying that I'm doing so much, that I'm great, awesome and all that. I want to believe them but then I remember that I'm scared. Scared of commitment. Scared of people. I want to find Mr. Right ... but I worry...

I think I just need to write more...

Study break

I've been study in the library since roughly 9.30 this morning...so I have done roughly five hours of study...I think it's time for lunch...yay! :o)

This is just a quick update because we need to escape the library before hordes of school children come in and attack us with their insane craziness...

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Update...huh?

Okay so this is almost unheard of from me...three updates in a row...what on earth is going on?

Well, will the nearing of the end...for my course that is...I find myself wondering what to do...so I sometimes find myself emptying my brain onto this journal actually helps quite a bit...

I managed to breeze through another essay. Though I really shouldn't say breeze as it wasn't necessarily easy it is just that I am no longer overly concerned about getting good grades. I feel that my brain has done far too much work as it is.

Also, I am relishing the approaching time from when I can read books that I like again. You know it can get rather boring reading articles, essays and educational books all year. Though I have managed to squeeze some good books in here and there. Little Vonnegut and King...oh yeah.

Aside from that it's Sunday lunchtime and I was up till 2am this morning working on my essay and I forgot to turn my alarm off so it went at 6am...I know what you are thinking, why do I have an alarm set for a Sunday...well I used to have tutorials all day on a Sunday but no more...yay.

As I read back over this I realise that this is utter ramblings...but I'm going to post it...

Plus - 24 days left before I get to see my whanau in California! Yay

Saturday morning musings...

I should be working on my essay for class...it is, after all, due on Monday. Instead, I am surfing the interwebs and indulging in my geeky habits. Now, this may be seen as being lazy but I like to think of it as broadening my knowledge base and having a bit of down time. Also, I have my essay pretty much planned out so it isn't like I've done nothing...

I keep thinking about random things and the only result is me either having a headache or becoming tired from the entire thought process but some of the things that wander through my mind are as follows:
  1. Why is there not a strong BSG fanbase in New Zealand? Or, if there is why don't I know about it? 
  2. Why is Shakespeare not as important anymore?
  3. Dr. Who is now immortal? Go figure...
  4. I wonder if we really are all descended from cylons...interesting...
And the list goes on. As you can probably see, there is a lot of geekiness in my musings and it isn't something I'm ashamed of. In fact, I love the fact that geeks and nerds have claimed these words back! I feel that I am empowered as a geek and that makes me special. (And that is the cheese factor that I love laying on when I am on my tiny soap box...it has to be tiny cause I'm not that tall...)

I also wonder what will happen in the future...which is rather pointless if you think about it...anyway, that's another story for another time.

Oh - quick question: any television suggestions? I'm after new series all the time...
Kthnxbye

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Egads

Just want to thank Tigerbecca for sending me anupdate reminder. My head has been all over the place.

This is just a quick update while I try to get back into the flow of things.
  • Just about finished my Grad Diploma for teaching...
  • Not going to go into teaching...well not straight away.
  • Kidneys have been misbehaving...:o(
  • Have been diagnosed asdeaf in one ear...random...
  • Going to California in 3 weeks and five days...yay
There is more to say but I just want to thank those who have been patient with my lack of posting. I've just had so many assessments due (and I still have five more...heavy workload) and my health hasn't been too great.

Aside from all that everything has been interesting in only the way that life can be.

Oh and I am so happy that the Chilean miners are free!

Peace and pancakes to you all!

Customers can be just plain gross...

Quick update -

So, I was serving on the till in our shop when these customers came in and I kid you not when I say that they were covered in blood...now, me being of logical and sound mind just smiled and nodded. Mainly because around this way you don't question things like this...you just carry on as if there is nothing wrong and that the blood is obviously just a figment of your imagination.

I am hoping that they had just been hunting or something but at the very least you would have thought that they would have washed their hands and I was loathe to touch the money they were handing over. Plus, one of the girls kept putting her eftpos card in her mouth then handing it over...I'm not squeamish but there are somethings that you just don't do - for hygiene's sake...

So, I know who I'm blaming if I get ill...

Busy Busy Busy

Who would have thought working in a school could be so varied and insane at the same time...honestly, I should have realised this from the start.

One thing that I keep thinking about...or maybe dwelling on...is London...I miss it something terrible...I miss Hamley's, the West End, Leiscester Sq, Camden and so much more...hell I even miss my work...

It's so weird, even though I was super stressed there were some excellent times.

Anyway, enough of that. I have to plan some more lessons to teach about the origins of WW2...it's very exciting, mainly because I am so passionate about history...I hope that shows though.

I'm feeling oddly disconnected today...how strange...

Oh my gosh it's Wednesday...

Where does the week go...I wonder if there is a weird time warp around me that sucks away the days before I am able to figure out what is going on...

If the above makes sense then you have probably had as much caffeine as I have had...lol

I have been busy opening the store, planning lessons, talking to students, covering for teachers, shopping for supplies, getting petrol, moving furniture, flipping burgers and the list goes on. So, that explains all the caffeine.

I'm just updating quickly because I have five minutes to chill out after the last two insane days. And, now that I am sitting down, I feel dreadfully hungry...hmm I think I am going on a food hunt...oh and my washing machine (which never fails to fail) just failed...

kthnxbye

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Working out the rust...

Wow, it's amazing how rusty you get if you don't update regular like...
It's been so busy for me for the past few days. If I'm not writing lesson plans or working on essays I'm worrying about my life choices. Something I said I didn't want to do anymore...it is a lot harder to change your personality that you think.

Anyway, enough of that. I have actually managed to get some of the work that I was meant to get done today, which makes me feel a bit more confident.

My parents are in the shop cooking and have given me some time off today, which I needed, and I promptly fell asleep for an hour or so - exhaustion is not our friend. Then I managed to get some of that serious work done and now I am here typing. My brain feels as if it has been replaced with cotton wool but that's okay at the moment. I think I have said the same thing three different ways so I shall move onto a more interesting topic.

Movies...yay movies are always interesting. I have been watching some interesting ones lately and I still have to see Avatar. I know, I haven't seen one of the best movies out or that's what my friends say. Well, I have resisted temptation so far but may give in by the end of next week. We shall see, we shall see.

So - this is the question for anyone reading this today...what movie is currently in your top five? I really need some new suggestions...

That is all for today...must get back to essay on critical discourse analysis (the essay is for my teacher training course...a bit intense I think but I, unfortunately, did not write the course...lol)