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What to say after forever and a day...

You know what...

Even though I am still the same crazy stresspot that I have always been I am a lot more comfortable in my own skin...

I have been reading over the older entries in here and, although I haven't updated in such a long time (nearly two years) it feels good to be doing this again. Things change and friends change.

When I decided to finish this, it was at a time when I no longer had internet access all the time, and a friend of mine decided to go through a selfish stage with no concern for anyone else. And I'm okay with that now...I never thought I would be, in fact, if you had asked me this a year ago I would have said that I was dealing but still had issues. I would have been lying as well. I went through a plethora of emotions. I cried, I was humiliated and I felt so used and hurt and alone...then there was the anger. Aside from my rants I am not an angry person. In fact, I'm pretty laid back (ignoring my neurosis lol) but the anger I felt was nearly all consuming and it is one emotion that I never want to feel again.

I realise, now, that I should have stayed updating. If I had updated and had the support from the people I had friended on here it would have been a whole different matter. The support that I would have gotten from online would have been more therapeutic that any other form of therapy.

So, although I regret abandoning everything for so long I am back and, although i may not update everyday, I will update. For those of you who still have me on their lists I feel lucky and for those yet to get to know me...well...what can I say...life is one hell of a weird ride...

alive or something like it...

So...yeah...if anyone is still reading this...unfortunately, I have been through some really rough crap so this will possibly be my last post...I don't like leaving things open so I guess this is my swan song of good byes...who knows...I might come back in the future but for now different things await me...

Love and pancakes to all.

PC
Ahhhh blowing the cobwebs off. So sorry I have been away for so long. 

Quick overview is

A- Have a job in a subscription and customer service call centre where one of my flatmates work. 
B- Although a temp  have been asked to go permanent...
C- Still lacking sleep
D- Trying to get a phone line from BT which is next to bloody impossible. 
E- Haven't been near a computer with internet access for well over a couple of months. 

Can't stay long on here either as I ahve to go to Fireworks tonight for Guy Fawkes. 

Love ya all
Ka Kite

Bored Now...

Ye gads...the waiting is killing me. 

I have been jobless for two weeks and I am ready to go insane. I know a lot of you would be rather excited by not having to work but this is the longest I have been without work for ages now. It's driving me straight past crazy and right into insane. lol.

I'm going home to clean after this...clean...it's not even my mess...that's how freaking bored I am...

Anyway, have fun everyone. 

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Job hunting...again...

It's like I truly have gone full circle again. This time last year I had been in London for six days and was starting to look for a job. It felt like it took forever to get a job and, as you all know, this job didn't turn out to be the best thing out there. So now I am going through it all again and this time I am a wee bit wiser. Not much, mind you, but a wee bit. 

So I have been at this internet cafe for two hours and have managed to apply for one job. Go me! (I know that sounds snarky but I just get rather highly strung when I don't have a job... I just feel incredibly lazy and my self confidence goes down the plug hole. 

Anyway, I am going to take it one day at a time and one step at a time until everything is sorted. 

Must go...just remembered that I have to put an add on gumtree for a flatmate. 

Cheers

Okay...the final hours...

Counting down...

I bought cake for the staff...a rich cake so I am informed. 

I thought it would be a nice way of saying thank you to all the members of staff that have helped me since I have been here. 

Now it's really starting to set in. Though it still feels surreal. 

Freedom... in a sense. 

Ha! :)

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Last Days...

Wow...I can't believe that I am on my last Monday at this store. I must admit, the stress levels have gone down remarkably. I mean they were sky high and above just last week but now...

Anyway, I have an interview for Thursday. Another bookstore but I am hoping this is temporary and I can focus on looking for another job when I don't have a million and one stresses on me. Well that's my theory anyway. 

Saw both the Harry Potter  movie and The SImpsons movie over the weekend. Both very good and very amusing. Reditions of Spider Pig have been going through my head for hours now. Ye ha... (Don't know where that came from...my brain is insane...)

Anyway, that's all I can think of for now. 


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Of dreary days and wasting time...

I am entering my final week of work at this particular job. This, only reccently, has begun to terrify me more than it should. I know it's a security issue as I am leaving the safety of one job (no matter how low paying and demanding) into the big wide world of unemployment. Well, not so much unemployment as a temporary stage of in-between jobness. 

Then there is the rent and council tax on my current flat, which is intent on rising beyond all reasonable limits. Prompting a possible change of address... Maybe out a couple of zones, where the work should be easier to come by. :)

Then the money issues jump in and I start freaking out. I am controlling it, barely, but it is a scary thing. Especially since I fell into that comfortable stage for a couple of months, trying to deal with everything and so on. I instantly revert into mum role wherever I go and I have to learn to stop that. 

On more cheery news...and slightly sad. I have finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. After reading it for the last ten years approx. It has now come to an end. No spoilers cause I know there are a lot of fans out there. All I have to say is that it is good. Very good. :)

Yes...it is a dreary day here in London...the weather is gray and resembles winter more than summer. 
That is all for now. 
Ka Kite

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Counting Down...

So...after handing in my notice, getting my tooth out and general major changes in my life I feel as if I have been running a gauntlet of sorts. 

I like to think that things are looking up and with the release of Harry Potter in a few days...

And Toast this weekend...

Well...positive thinking and maybe I will sleep for longer than two hours in a row!

I wanna break free...

It's Thursday and I am at work and I just want to do absolutely nothing. For the last week I have been working my arse off with everyone away on holiday and all that and now, I just want to curl up and sleep for a couple of days. And there is also the fact that a friend of mine is pissy at me at the moment cause I couldn't go swimming at her house. Yes, I love swimming but I had guests on there way so I couldn't drop everything just to go swimming. I've texted her a couple of times but if she doesn't want to talk to me...fine. 

It's one of my flatmates birthday today as well. And, he's at home by himself, which is bugging me cause no one should be alone on their birthday. He keeps going on about how it isn't a big deal but that doesn't change anything. I should have tried to swap a shift or something but I didn't think about it till it was too late. 

On a side note, I have been thinking a lot lately (I know, bad idea, this thinking thing) and I am surprised at how much I have changed and grown. Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go but it feels as if I have started on a huge journey in learning about myself...a subject I haven't be that interested in to be quite honest. Now that I am on the other side of the world people have been questioning me about my beliefs and ideas and everything, which is great. I mean, we always wonder what other people think about you but you can never really know, but since being over here I think I have gotten really close. The amount of D & M's I have had with friends over here has been amazing. 

Well, that's enough of my ramblings for now. 
Aroha nui